He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
