he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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