why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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