I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
