Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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