Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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