You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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