I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pants are for mortals
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
