pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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