youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
