I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
