My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
