I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
