Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
