a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
