im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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