im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
