i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
