thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
