How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
