idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
