Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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