I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
