you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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