where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
