i just google imaged poop.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
