Umm I'm too high to move.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
