OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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