I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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