My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
