mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
