my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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