Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
