No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
