Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
