Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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