Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
