Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
