Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
