I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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