I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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