Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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