Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just had sex bonerless
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
