I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i came on her dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
