Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
