Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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