At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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