I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
