The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
