Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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