I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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