i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
