Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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