So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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