I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
