Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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