I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
