She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
