I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
