I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize