Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
