Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
