New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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