i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
