We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
